murdering the English language for fun
Murdering the English Language for Fun with The Washington Post, an urban legend worth passing on.
Murdering the English language for fun by altering spellings and creating new definitions or simply redefining common words is a humorous (to tickle the funny bone), harmless exercise that can produce hilarious results.
Englitch (n) – knowing exactly what you want to say, but not being able to get it out
Since 2009, an urban legend in the form of an email has been circulating the web, sometimes updated or changed slightly, that goes something like the following:
The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an a**hole.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting lucky.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late (I need this!!!)
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
According to the legend, The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. 1. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
2. What Ricky Ricardo was allas tryin to do to Luchy…
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
If you ever run into a place where you are trying to write an article for your blog, but just can’t seem to make
it work, have some fun with words! It’s a good exercise, will help you get the creative juices flowing, and will
make you the world champion of Words with Friends (ok, not really, but it sure can’t hurt!)
The mind that we have is an amazing thing. It has been suggested that thoughts are created in the brain,
but if that is so, why do we call it the mind? Could it be that the brain is the processor for the mind and
the mind is the conscious part of the soul? Wooooo…. this sounds like an idea for a new article…See
how it goes?
It’s good to laugh, and I hope you have, today. Do use language properly; it is one of the greatest gifts
we have been given, the thing that makes it possible to have real friends around the world whom we
have never met in person.
But never take yourself or your work too seriously! Learn to take a break and laugh at the world and
yourself and with yourself a little bit every day. Playing ridiculous games like the word games above
can be very healthy and helpful for you, and rather than detracting from your work by allowing such
distractions, it will improve your thought processes and production.
That makes me think of a brand new word:
Destraction: n. 1. Something that both distracts and detracts at the same time – to be avoided
2. A distraction that destroys your line of thought and sets you back hours as you try
to remember what you were doing.
Now, what was I doing…. ?
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